“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them."

- Jodi Picoult

Yash Chandak


The Story

Loneliness,  an emotion which we all have encountered at least once in our lives. We seem to see it as something which hurts from the inside, and most of the time we just ignore the feeling. But there are so many social situations, where you just feel left out, where you just want friends, and want so many meaningful relationships around you. If you wonder, what is loneliness, it is the emotion you feel, when you just want to share your tales and experiences, but when you turn around to share, you feel no one is there to listen to you. You feel emotionally and socially withdrawn from everyone you come across.

The question which emerges is, WHY DO WE FEEL LONELY? I’ve studied it for a bit, and I came to know, that it is a consequence of evolution. As we feel hungry to satisfy our bodily nourishment, similarly, we feel lonely to satisfy our needs of social nourishment. Long before, when we were living in caves, staying collectively meant survival, staying isolated meant death. Our brains have a pain center, so whenever we act in a way that would bring harm to the survival of species, it punishes us. So our brains developed a biological response for staying together, which we know as loneliness.

Back in the time, living alone would often be a symbol of rejection from the tribe or the group of the people living together, so whenever we feel lonely, it is usually because it feels the same to rejection, and we all know, how unpleasant rejection feels. Sometimes frequent distancing ourselves from social groups, knowingly or unknowingly, which results in that awful feeling of loneliness.

So, you might be wondering, what should I do, to get rid of this terrible feeling? The first step is recognizing the cause, so now you know, why you feel lonely. The next thing you can do is identify how you react to social situations, do you often turn down plans with friends? Do you openly communicate with people? Whenever someone attempts to get to know you, do you push them away?

Everything happens in a pattern or a loop, the basic thing is, mostly we avoid social encounters just so that we can do other things these other things being, binge-watching, gaming, working, reading. But while doing these, you sometimes turn down social encounters with your friends, and after a while, it becomes a habit, to turn down social confrontations with people. Later the invitations stop, so you feel lonely, and when you feel that everyone is excluding you without any reason. On the contrary, your friends think that you don’t like socializing much, so they don't invite you.
This is an example of a loop, it can be anything, the first step is to identify it, and try to act on it if you feel difficult to talk to people about this, just try to drop your shield, not everyone you know wants to belittle you or make fun of you. Some people genuinely want the best for you, you can at least start by having some real conversations. The important thing is to stop overthinking and reaching the worst results. Instead, you can just analyze the fact, if someone is being hurtful to you, or your overthinking is making a big deal out of it, once you start to notice the pattern, you’ll realize, everything was actually inside your head, not in reality. If you just can't get rid of this feeling, you can get professional help, do note that getting professional help is NOT cowardice, but it is one of the bravest steps you can take.

In this advanced world, everything is updating, but our brain is still working similarly to how it used to about 50,000 years ago, so its a must to have important relationships. It is one of the reasons, we become so modern and progressed as a species. Having social connections and staying together is our primary idea behind achieving this futuristic success.


Edited By :

Priyanka borwanker

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